Monday, February 16, 2009

Why aren't women funny?

This is a speech I've given twice during my first semester in college. both times I got an A on it. It's a speech I enjoy doing and will probably continue to use throughout college.

Why Aren't Women Funny?

In the world of stand up comedy the more and more people begin to criticize whether or not women comedians are funny. Although this whole matter is realistically based on opinion there’s just something about women telling jokes that a majority of our society can’t seem to accept.
Looking at the basics, the stand up comedy profession is already male dominated, and comedy alone isn’t something people strive to succeed in. Even if they do try to make it a living, the climb to the top is difficult and even then the pay is questionable. It’s mostly just a hobby for some. Others it’s a way to get them selves known or to network, or maybe just develop better people skills.

With that being said women in comedy is a battle. One of the suggested theories for the female comics harsh criticism is that its too hard to relate to. Most women comedians talk about marriage, and taking care of the kids, and some even get more blue than that and will go as far as to talk about being on their periods or do some graphic joke on sex. Not everyone can relate to that because not everyone (mostly men) know or have experienced that kind of behavior and even the single women can’t relate to taking care of the kids material that is used.

Then there’s the issue on the more vulgar material. If men can tell the dirty sex and dick jokes and get away with it why not the women? The only real answer to this is based on the opinion of our society. Society has an expectation of women. We want them to be clean and we think of them more as the classier side to the population while we expect men to be more open with vulgarity.
This also brings another possibility of why women comedians are considered unfunny. Most of them know how society looks at women and what they expect of them and that puts somewhat of a barrier on what they feel they are allowed to say and how society will judge them after they deliver their set. Some also feel they have to represent women as a whole and because of that, restrict themselves on self-deprecating material but when they go against those odds they risk breaking through the norm of society and being looked down upon or restrict themselves to a topic so much that there is no joke. For instance, women comedians like to talk about shopping a lot but unless there is some original idea or story line the joke is just “I like to shop and I have a lot of shoes.” Big deal.
Being in stand up comedy myself, I get it. It’s easier to write about stuff you know and feel strongly about, then to write about stuff others want you to write about. So the only logic to why women comedians aren’t funny is, because society doesn’t want to accept that their not living to their expectations of women. Local Cincinnati comedian Sally Brooks has a bit in her act where she addresses the comedy of women compared to the comedy styles of men saying:
“I want to thank the guy who said to me before the show “Listen, no offense or anything, but I just don’t think women are funny.” Why would I take offense to that? I understand that though, I think a lot of guys feel that way. So I thought what I could do is get inside this guy’s head and try to talk about things that a guy like this could relate to:
“Women, right?! You all married? Its bull crap, ain’t it? You know what we call sex in my house? Hailey’s comet, cause it only comes around once every 76 years. Here’s one for you- what do you call a blow job from your wife? Nothin! Taint so much thing as a blow job once you get married. You know what else? My wife is always trying to watch football with me. I told her NEW RULES THIS YEAR!. She can only watch football if she’s buck naked, muzzled, and her way to the kitchen to get my ass some beer. Am I right or am I right, fellas? High five, nice tits, women talk a lot.”
That made me feel dirty.
I have to be careful where I tell that joke, she says, I once had a guy ask me “Hey, can you tell me those Rules again? I wrote down necked and muzzled, but what was the third one?”
Then there’s Ellen Degeneres. She’s one of the funniest comedians on the planet. Not only has she already made an icon of herself but she also does family oriented comedy and everyone can relate to it. In her special entitled The Beginning she talks about everyday stuff like shampooing her hair and her meeting with god, which is something we can all relate to because we all shampoo our hair and while we may not have literally met god herself. We have at least thought about what it would be like. She only briefly talks about coming out of the closet the previous year before the dvd release and she does that through interpretive dance as to not make anybody feel uncomfortable and it was still hilarious without breaking through societies expectations of her, because she is such an icon to many people, and the media has portrayed her in a positive light.
The only way that it is really possible for women to get away with vulgar humor is if they can relate it to everybody or their a big name comic. If you look at Lisa Lampanelli. She tells the most offensive jokes relating to all ethnic groups. Stuff that we would never dream of saying, and while some people may be against her material it doesn’t matter because she’s made a name for herself and because the mass media of hbo and comedy central accept her we do too.

Then there’s Sarah Silverman. She has a bit where she sang amazing grace out of her

vagina and butt, and she even goes as far on the Sarah Silverman show as to make fun of god and

has a few racist jokes herself, but we accept her because the media is using her to provide us with

some form of entertainment and after giving her a shot we grew to like her.

The fact is we can’t come right out and say that women aren’t funny because the whole question is

based on an individual opinion of the material vs. what society may or may not expect of female

comics, and what we are willing to accept along with what we frown down upon. So it's only when

society can relate to the material or can be reassured through the media or some other way that the

jokes are alright to tell that we can accept women in comedy and tell whether or not they are funny.


this is a script that I wrote out in high school. It was meant to be for a short film series that me and some friends were going to start up but this is as far as we got. It was meant to show highlights of what a normal day was like for us. all the events are based on true stories and none of the names have been changed except for the character of Mark because the actual person kept getting pissed'll see... but anyways the format may be off a bit but I still find it hilarious to say the least...enjoy

Jake Free




Jake Free- Main character

Tony kardous (Anthony)-Main character

Mark Bigs -On the football team with Jake

Joey Lyons-disgusted listener, also on the football team.

Chad Fischer-Camera man

Opening Scene

* Jake wakes up. *shot on shoes being picked up*.clothes being picked up.*shower handles get turned**close up on clothes getting put on*

Jake gets in his car, drives to Tony's house to pick him up for school. He pulls into Tony’s drive way, picks up his phone.


Jake: moan

Tony: Bawww (

(Hang up)

*Tony gets into the car they drive away to school.*

Scene Two

(Elvis music on radio)

Tony: Dude, I just ate a whole bunch of pop tarts.

Jake: Awww man I forgot to eat this morning

Tony:Shit man. You know what you should do? oh never mind i don't have any bananas.


Tony:Stupid Geo.

Jake: yeah


*Tony opens his textbook to reveal a batman/superman comic inside.*

Jake: Hey, who do you think is better batman or superman?

Tony: Batman!

Jake: Pff why

Tony:Superman is a joke, he has every power there is, but batman there's a real man. Hardcore!

Jake: But that’s just it Superman is the best, hell I could be batman, just make me a big enough suit and teach me how to use the gadgets.

Tony:But Batman's rich, and has is own contributing company.

Jake:So... That just makes him a prick. Superman doesn't like to rub in his successes he quietly works at the daily planet. Which is just his nonchalant way of contributing to society behind the cape.

Tony: BATMAN! has his own hideout under his house.

Jake: What are you talking about Superman's got the whole fortress of flippin solitude.

Tony: Well yeah but as a superhero Superman doesn't fight anything probable.

Jake:What do you mean.

Tony:He just fights other super villains and monsters which cannot exist in reality, except for Luther, and nobody cares that much.

Jake:Well so does batman in the justice league.

Tony:Yeah but batman has fought against the penguin, cat women, the joker, two face, all those guys, who were real people.

Jake:Well yeah but those villains were just normal people who became mentally challenged and believed they had powers, but when it comes down to it batman cant fight against real superpowers.

Tony:Well....somebody has to fight the deranged retards.(looks at camera) What do you think?

Camera man: I don't know enough to speak intelligently on the conversation.

*They pull into the school parking lot, and get out of the car.*

Scene Three

Jake: Dude, did you hear about Mark?

Tony: No, what?

Jake: Dude the guy "fluffs his Garfield" into a bag.

Tony: What, like a brown bag.

Jake: No like a gift bag.

Tony: (in disgust) DUDE!!!

Jake: I know.

Tony: How do you know?!?!?!

*Camera panes to flashback*

Jake: I went to his house after school last Friday after school until we had to be at our game, I was just sitting in his room and he whips it out.

Tony: He whipped out his dick?!?!?!

Jake: No! The bag

Tony: He showed it to you!?!?

Jake: Yeah he called it his splooge bag or somethin.

Tony: Dude!

Jake: So I get grossed out and so we go out to his living room and he gets on the computer.


Jake: Then he started lookin up freaky lesbo stuff up on youtube and gets this mean hard-on.

Tony: What the...

Jake: So then Mark runs into his room to "wax his turtle" or whatever and I'm left there at the computer by myself.

Tony: So what did you do.

Jake: (calmly) I changed my myspace song.

Tony: (excited) Oh! what to?

Jake: I don't know some veggie tales thing.

Tony: Oh, so then what happened?

Jake: Well about fifteen minutes had passed and I figure that's an above average amount of time so I went in his room to get him for the game, But when I opened the door he was sitting on the edge of his bed and had his pants around his knees, gripping his cock with one hand and the bag in the other.

Tony: BAWWW!

Jake: I looked away from him rather quickly but then I saw his tv.

Tony: Porn?

Jake: You would think, but all I saw was the food network.

Tony: Dude, he was wackin it to the food network?

Jake: Yep.

Tony: What the.....

Jake: And get this the bag he was using was one of those new gift bags that play music when you open them.

Tony: (mortified) What the....
Jake: Yeah apparently this one plays wild thing.

Tony: Why the heck does he use a bag? Is he trying to collect it? Doesn't the bag soak it up?

Jake: That's what I said but he said it keeps the stains off the floor.

*Camera panes back and a whole group seems to have surrounded the two listening in on the story.*

Joey: That is one sick bastard.

*Mark walks up to the crowd*

Mark: Whats goin on guys?

*The crowd looks at him with disgust and walks away*

*Mark looks at Jake with a very low amount of self esteem*

Mark: (Angry) Dude quit tellin people!!!

Jake: (Angry) Dude quit doin it, its weird!!!

Mark: (depressed) Dude

*Mark walks away*

*Jake and Tony walk into school but then passes by a red car with a front Superman licence plate. Jake hits Tony and jesturs to it and smirks.*

Tony: Baw


Batman vs. Superman

This is another speech i did for my high school speech class, tackling the age old question, "who is better batman or superman?" and while it may not have gotten as good of a grade it was still funner to do and I think better for society.

Batman Vs. Superman

Speech by:

Jake Free

Throughout the years many conflicts have come about...right and wrong, black and white and now batman and superman. This argument of who is better, batman or superman, has been going through the comic world for years now, so much so that they even have their own comic together and although the argument is fictitious some still feel the need to defend their hero's. I however take the side of Superman.

It's Just plain logic. Superman is a better hero, has better powers, and he's an all around better American. While batman has no powers, superman has them all making him an all around better "Super" hero without super powers you are not a superhero. *Look at this page of the batman and superman comic you can clearly see that they have to go save the world but oh whats this? Batman has to hold onto Superman while they fly to the location because Batman can't pathetic. Some say that having all the powers is cheap and unfair to his foe's but this is not true. Superman didn't ask for his powers it's just the way god intended it. So if you don't like Superman you must have something against god.

Superman understands how to use his powers as well. He uses them for good to protect the planet of earth from suffering the same fate as his home planet krypton which blew up and killed everyone. While batman uses his non-powers for vengeance for his parents death and if it wasn't for the joker killing his parents there wouldn't be any batman to begin with, so in a sense isn't the joker some what of a good guy for creating this hero. The answer is of, because Batman is retarded and he knows this. Look at it this way the Joker killed his parents, there for he made batman, and now batman wants to kill the Joker in revenge for making him live as the batman. The name doesn't even make sense. Batman? Bats are weak creatures that hide in caves. The only interesting thing that a bat can do is fly and oh that's right batman can't fly, and he's afraid of bats..w.t.f. Now superman can fly witch is just one more ability that fits his name superman and its all still safe for the environment.

While some may argue "oh yeah, oh yeah Jake well Batman's got a kick arse car. Which is also another negative for the batman fan's. The bat mobile is a very stylish vehicle no doubt, but seriously imagine how much gas that thing must take to shoot out flames. Plus it pollutes the environment killing us all minute by minute, and if killing us wasn't enough it is also the reason why we have global warming, which causes us to listen to Al Gore whine

But moving on lets look a little bit more at the history of these two "superheros" superman has been around longer. Heck he's the true traditional American hero. Superman has been around even before there was any wars between countries, when life was pure and everything was in order he was, and still is the ideal superhero. Everyone could look up to him...but then the wars erupted and during these dark times the comic book writers felt there should be a darker hero to fit the current times and so batman was created. A lot of people like batman because he's just one of us and we can relate to him, but where is the fun in that? Heck teach me how to use some fancy gadgets and give me a big enough suit and I could be batman.

A lot of people don't know this but Superman is also a christian he'd have to be though he's one of god's greatest accomplishments. But batman? Pff Batman is so vein when it comes to god as you can see he is referred to by himself and others in his comic books as the godd@mn batman.

Now let's talk about the evil these two protect us from Superman protects us from monster's and Lex Luthor who wants to rule the world and has enough intelligence and ph. D's to do so, and if your argument there is "oh yeah Jake well to bad monsters aren't real." Then my response to you would be to get a girlfriend and become a man because need I remind you that this whole argument isn't real?!? calm down! now...we can all agree that superman is good and protects us from very harmful things. Now batman...he doesn't fight anything worth mentioning... he fights mentally handicapped people...and its not cool to hit mentally retarded people. Go ahead name one enemy of Batman's who wasn't crazy. The penguin was a deranged politician, the riddler was driven mad from the pressure of working at Wayne Enterprise's, and the madhadder well I think the name speaks for even morally superman fights the right people for the the right reasons and Batman's just going around....hitting the mentally disabled its no big deal.

Now lets look at their jobs. Superman works as Clark Kent in the daily planet while batman works as Bruce Wayne at his own business, Wayne Enterprises. So Superman works quietly in his newspaper office as Clark Kent, still helping the people by giving them information through the printing press and batman works as Bruce Wayne the conceited guy who rubs all his successes in everyone's face. Sorry we all can't just fall into a pool of our parents inheritance and become crime fighters.

So in conclusion I think its safe to say that superman is hands down the best superhero between the two...Now just raise your hand if you think batman is better...that's right... I told you it was hand's down.

Evil Santa?

This is my final speech that I did for my speech class in high school and also the only one I got an A on...
Evil Santa?
by: Jake Free

He knows when I am sleeping, he knows when I'm awake, and he ran over my grandmother. These are only a few of the things that Santa or should we say Satan, does to corrupt our ideal society. It has been suggested that Santa is in fact Satan himself and some factors of this make sence. First off, they are both immortal, and Santa enters our houses through chimneys. This is because as Satan he is used to the fiery flames and prefers this mode of entry. This also explains why he gives naughty children coal in their stockings. Coal is used in hell to fuel its eternal flame. It is also sugessted that the elves are metaphorically the demons in hell, and the riendeer are the horned demons in hell that fly around, and even if this is'nt true, the idea of over worked riendeer has P.E.T.A upset. Other simularities point out that they both have beards. The only difference is Santa's beard is white while Satan's beard is black. This is because he colors it for the holidays.

Both of them go against the idea of Jesus on christmas, because while the idea of Santa draws thoughts away from christ, Satan tries to corrupt our minds and make us do bad things, increasing our chances of being naughty and going to hell. The other more mediocre belief of Santa's perversiveness, is that he gives presents to children for sitting on his lap.

The other idea suggest simply that Santa could just be a terrorist witch makes more geographical and cultural sence. He has a beard like Bin Laden, He has a secret hide out that is supposedly in the north pole that nobody can find, his slay is undetectable by radar or any modern day technology, and he is attacking our imagination. Either way, Satan, or terrorest, I think it's safe to say that Santa is evil.

Leave out your cookies and milk because if you don't Santa will eat you! So you better watch out, because Santa claus is coming to town.

Monday, February 9, 2009

"lol"ing and shame

ok so this is gunna end up being a rant but for the past month its been on my mind. I recently started up a comedy showcase at school where I bring five of Cincinnatis local comedians and have do 10 min of material and I open the show with 5 mins myself before introducing the first comic. so far I've only done one show and the second ones tomorrow night, but the first show wasnt the greatest. I mean people laughed but it was hit or miss and even when they hit the laughter would die down pretty quickly. It wasnt really a terrible show but it wasnt the best. anyways the point im trying to make is that people can spend a whole day texting their friends and loling in almost every text but then when a comedian comes and tells a joke you can sit there and not laugh and make them feel like the most vulnerable person alive.

example text convo:

"hey man where you wanna eat?"

"idk lol"

seriously conversations like this take place every second through text messages and yet if you were to seriously break that conversation up you would find no humor in it at all. I mean not only is it not funny but its more of a problem that you have to deal with than it is a joke. The point of that question was to get a location of where to eat and now that you dont know, your just facing the problem of not having a place to eat.

I mean I understand that some people put lol in text to come off as playful so the reciever doesnt think they're upset or anything but still i think a smiley face would suffice, as well as give you an extra charector to use in the text.

anyways, I dont know guess its the same with comedy but if a person goes out of their way to come and try to make you laugh then the least you can do is support the them and at least act like your enjoying it. but not only that but in my 4 years of doing stand up ive had friends say jokingly mind you that im not funny or make comments like "hey you funny yet?" and really this is ok every once in a while because i know their joking but over time all that can add up and really get to a person. I just dont think its cool to ever tell anybody they're not funny, comedian or not, because if someone goes out of thier way to make you laugh or smile and wants to share their imput on it you should at least take interest in it and tell them good job or something after the show. and im not just talking about myself here, I've heard people say other people just came off as stupid or untalented, when talent really has nothing to do with it.

most people do stand up because they enjoy doing it, or to network, or just make friends, or because they like to make people laugh and smile. Anybody can know how that feels after you make someone laugh or smile. and doing stand up you get to do that to a room full of people all at once, and the high you get from that is better than anything i've ever felt personally.

its ok to give people pointers and critique comics on thier material but to sit there and not laugh at all or to at least smile (because i do realize that there are some people who do replace lol with the smiley face because that may be thier way of showing thier enjoyment.) but never just sit there and make a person feel stranded or stupid for trying to bring you thier form of enjoyment, and that goes for anything not just comedy.